DAY 4: Courage to Let God Search Our Hearts
Scripture: Psalms 139:23–24 NLT
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Think of the last time you were getting ready for the day. For many of us, at some point you take a glance at a mirror to try on clothes, do last minute hair and makeup touches, or give that outfit one final check before you start the day. Ok so now that you’ve done that, we’ll come back to it!
As a young man in my 20s, looking from the outside I believe people would say he’s got a lot
going for him. I was a college grad, had an awesome job in media, and started a career in the film industry. I was blessed to be in the room with some of Hollywoods biggest stars and on stages and sets with incredible creatives, influencers, and church leaders. With growing
success and opportunity, my confidence and self-esteem was at an all-time high. Well, I wish
that were true. Instead it was the exact opposite.
I was actually the one in those atmospheres physically shaking from anxiety, hiding from any
moment to have to speak, or throwing up in a bathroom somewhere. It was a full time job
wearing the mask of confidence and working to hide my struggles. So now, back to the mirror. It was so bad that I spent years avoiding looking at myself in the mirror. Quick glances looking into my eyes was painful and sad. I hated what I saw behind the mask. To me I was scared, weak, and unqualified. I became quietly angry and resentful. But where was this coming from?
At a breaking point, God used my wife to speak Word over me. She literally walked with me to our bathroom mirror for several weeks, told me to lift my head high, and we spoke Psalm
139:13-18. Not only did the Word literally breathe new life into me, it reestablished the truth of God’s crazy love for me. See, when you know someone truly loves you, there’s a safe place created for vulnerability. And it was in that safe place I was able to say, “God, search me and reveal to me the root of my low self-esteem and anger. God, bring it all to the surface, the good and bad. Help me heal. Help me be better for you, for myself, and others I’m leading.” And guess what, God did it! He helped reveal buried trauma experienced as a child that contributed to shaping my motives and how I saw myself. From there, I began a beautiful journey of healing.
CHALLENGE
With God, we always have a safe place to ask the hard questions and receive His truth in
return. In Him, there’s safety in our vulnerability and accountability. So if it’s been difficult to
really look in the mirror, to ask God to search you and reveal the less flattering things in your
walk, I want to challenge you to first reflect and remember you’re asking a God who loves you unconditionally.
PRAYER
God, your intentions for me are good. You have plans to prosper me and not harm me. You
have plans to give me a hope and a future. You are my safe shelter and refuge. You are merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. And because you are all these things, I have a safe place in you. So God, in this safe place, I courageously say, search me, test me, and reveal. Align every motive, desire, and heart posture with yours before it becomes an action. There’s safety in your truth and I trust you. Do all this so I can live a life that glorifies you and points people to Jesus. In Jesus name, Amen.
Courage to Let God Search Our Hearts | Written By Chris Jamerson
